Monday, August 27, 2012

Woe Is Willard: Screwed-Up Convention Edition

By Miss Kubelik

We cats have worked on credentials at two Democratic National Conventions.

We won't say which ones, since that would reveal which of our nine lives we're currently on, and that's not a topic for polite conversation. But suffice to say that neither of those conventions was menaced by a tropical-storm-slash-hurricane. And doing the credentials for them was still a nightmare.

Collapsing their schedule because of Isaac will wreak more havoc with the Republican National Committee and the Romneybots than anyone who hasn't coordinated convention logistics can imagine. Here are a few ways things can go wrong this week.

Sure, credentials are probably digital now and are scanned. But it'll be a hassle to reprogram them, and to deal with people who only had one- or two-night admission.

With flights canceled, connections screwed up and hotel room availability uncertain (thanks to any visitors who didn't get out of Tampa before the GOP rolled in), the flake rate could be big. Look for swaths of empty seats — or maybe a replay of the photo above.

Speakers the RNC wanted to put in prime time either won't be able to appear or will have to speak when no one is watching. Bwwwwaaaa!

Conversely, the compressed schedule could make those to who do make it to the lectern run late. While we don't expect a re-enactment of George McGovern's 3 AM acceptance speech in 1972, it might not be pretty.

No Bobby Jindal again. Of course, that's miniscule compared to the reminder that all Americans could receive this week, of how the last Republican Administration let New Orleans drown.

So, all in all, this convention is a prescription for a Xanax overdose. Does being threatened by a natural event mean that God is punishing Republicans for hating women, blacks, Hispanics, gays, veterans, teachers, public employees, non-Christians, anyone needing healthcare, and the poor?

Or is it a signal to the fundamentalist whackjobs that the Lord is angry they're about to nominate a Mormon? Calling Sarah Palin!

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